This was the first time everyone was up. Usually, the grandson is asleep at ten in the morning. He worked the night shift at a local factory, and his wife spent the daytime with Mary. We usually started the day with simple conversation. Nothing serious really. Just a few minutes of acting normal. Something all of my patients seem to enjoy. They want a friend who is a nurse. Not a nurse who is a friend.

Today was different. I could tell our conversation would move straight to business. Observation is the best tool a hospice nurse possesses. She was a little more short of air than usual. Maybe she was anxious about the subject at hand. Her legs and ankles were as swollen as ever. There was no way she was walking very well these days.

I sat down and simply asked, “What’s up?”
She looked at her grandson and his wife. Then she turned her gaze to me and said, “I’m worried about something.”

“What are you worried about?” I asked her.

“It’s getting close to the holidays. I’m scared that I’m going to ruin everything for them.” She looked at her family and paused for a moment. “I’m afraid I’ll die on Thanksgiving, and the rest of them will be ruined forever.”

“Is it really that bad?” I asked her.

“What?” She responded.

“Is it really that bad? If every Thanksgiving for the rest of their lives they take a few minutes to remember the love they have for you. If every Thanksgiving for the rest of their lives, they take a few minutes to remember how much you loved them. Is that such a terrible thing?”

Her grandson and his wife had smiles on their faces. Mary looked at them and asked, “What?”

Her grandson spoke up. “Grandma, you don’t need that kind of stress right now. We love you very much. We don’t care when you die. We don’t want you to worry about when you die. We are going to think of you every holiday anyway. You have been such an important part of my life for so many years. We just want your final months to be as enjoyable as possible.”

“Listen,” I interjected, “Your grandson and his wife will be just fine no matter when you pass. Enjoy the time you have together, and don’t let the thought of passing on a holiday steal the joy of the moments you have between now and then.”

I finished the rest of my visit. She didn’t like taking medications, so we didn’t change a thing. Our visits were always more social than anything else. That’s what was most important to her.

Before I left that day, I reassured her that everyone would be just fine if she died on Thanksgiving, and that’s exactly what she did.

James

James worked on-and-off as an LPN for over 20 years. In 2014 he completed a bridge program and became an RN. James became a hospice nurse in January 2015. He lives in the Kansas City area with his wife of over 30 years, 4 daughters and 2 sons in law.